Holiness??

I am struggling with my response to faith. This is NOT to say that I am struggling with faith, since that is actually not the issue but rather my response. Over the course of the last 3 years I have put a lot of time and effort into striving toward holiness of mind and body and failing pretty regularly. This in turn has frustrated me on so many levels that it would take several hours to explain and that misses the point. I am frustrated by my inability to attain and then maintain any measurable sense of holiness and that is blocking my ability to move on in understanding my faith better. As I have pondered this over the last few weeks here is what I have begun to realize: holiness is beyond me right now.

Now, for someone who professes a desire to minister to others as a vocation I perceive this as a dilemma and yet, it may also be a real opportunity. I believe that one and perhaps the major reason I am called to serve is because I am so very flawed and broken. Let's face it, this is a flawed and broken world filled with people just like me. Who better to minister and counsel to the fallen than a member of the club? But how can someone still struggling with their own brokenness minister. I believe the answer is in the service itself.

In scripture Jesus did not say "wait until your perfect and then follow me", He just said "follow me, love My Father, believe in Me, love your neighbor". Yes, He also called us to seek perfection but I do not believe for a moment that He expected us to attain perfection in this life. If we could, why would there have been a need for Him to come to earth?

And so, what is an imperfect, flawed broken man to do? I believe that the answer is to live a life of love. Love for God, love for the neighbor, love for service. I am still working through this but I have to believe that if we live a life based on love that holiness will begin to take place. Oh, not perhaps in the whiz bang time frame that we are so fond of, but rather in the slow time of genuine learning and real understanding that so many of us are not fond of, but have to deal with anyway and ultimately benefit greatly from.

I am not sure where this is going and I am not sure what God has in store, but I am sure that the thought and the life represented by the thought is worth living. At best, we work toward perfection, at worst...we live a life based on love. Not a bad way to be thought of when our days are over. And in the end, perhaps they will know we are Christians by our love.